A Sordid Affair
In: Columns > Pro Dot Con
Published on April 10, 2001
"I... am a complete... moron!"Now that we've got the moral of this story out of the way, we can carry on to the meat of the tale.
I am building a website. To say it truthfully, I am building a website with the enlisted brilliance of a few people that are like family to me. They have graciously agreed to support my insanity by lending their not-inconsiderable talents to the site's completion.
"Brilliant!" you say. Ah, but like a Raymond Chandler night-scene, there is an affirming twist. While enlisting the help of these wondrous people, I make it known that... "I want to code the DHTML for this project."
With that, I need to digress and provide some background.
That brings us back to the point. The episode of my seduction into the delights of code was now out in the open.
Impressively, the CodeGod was all for my sudden warming to JS. Astounding as that was, he even went so far as to send me his collection of the "lines" he used on JS to keep it happy and working.
Quivering with anticipation, I opened the generous libraries of lines for my perusal. I danced and jumped, throwing my hat in the air and rejoicing...
Actually I sat in my overused, buttprinted computer chair, and stared blankly at line after line. At that moment I realized I'd taken the countenance of a caveman who was examining a page of Cyrillic writing and being asked to translate it into ancient Egyptian.
At this point, I hope you'll recall (or re-read) the opening line of this tale.
...Oh, get this! As I was thinking about the site's architecture, it occurred to me that it needs a solid database and great interaction with that database.
Did I ever tell you how PHP and mySQL tried to burn my house down after I asked them out?
Peter Fielding makes the pretty things for Pixelflo.com, while he hunkers down in the frozen tundra of western Canada. Receiving his email by data dog sled, he is most often found lighting miniature garbage can fires for the homeless baby seals that power his cpu, and lobbying for the inclusion of Full Contact Page Design in the next Winter Olympics.